Three Humanoids at the Vet

Three humanoids were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The hobgoblin turned to the  the goblin and said " So why are you here ? "

The goblin replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids.  But  the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my master's  bed."

The hobgoblin said, "So what’s the vet going to do?"

 " Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the goblin. 
"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The goblin then turned to the hobgoblin  and asked  "why are you here ?"

The hobgoblin  said, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my chiefz couch.”

 " So what are they going to do to you ? " the goblin  inquired.

 "  Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected hobgoblin  said.  "They reckon it'll calm me down."

 The hobgoblin  then turned to the bugbear  and asked, " Why are you here?

" I'm a humper," said the bugbear  . "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.  Yesterday my wizard had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The goblin and  the hobgoblin exchanged a sad glance and said, " So, it's nuts off for you too, huh ?"

 The bugbear said, " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped ! "

inspirational poster

I wonder if someone ever developed
stats for these foes

Flooding in Australia

A Pentecostal man is stranded on his porch in Queensland during the big flood. He is on his knees praying as the wind and rain beats about him.
His neighbor pulls up in a fishing boat and asks him to get on-board, the pious man says
“No thanks, I am waiting on the Lord.”

Hours go by and the water level rises and the wind blows harder, so the man climbs into his attic. A Coast Guard Patrol drives by and implores the man to climb-aboard.
The devote man declines, “I am waiting on the Lord.”

Another two hours goes by and water is now above the roofline and the stranded man is desperately clinging to his chimney. A Channel Three News helicopter flies above the man’s house and a bullhorn bellows for him to grab the rope and climb on up. The shivering man squeaks out,
“No thanks, I am waiting on the Lord.”

Well, the man drowns. When he gets to Heaven he finally meets his maker. He exclaims,
“Lord, Lord, why did you abandon me? I am a faithful and descent man with a large family. How could you abandon me in my hour of need?”

Then God responds;
“What more should I do; I sent you two boats and a helicopter"

Wolf

A sign was placed in an office window:
“HELP WANTED; Must be a skilled typist and have computer skills. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time latter, a wolf trots up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist, bared his teeth, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, howled and pawed at the air.

The frightened receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised to see a canine applicant but as the wolf looked determined, he was shown into the manager’s office. Inside the wolf jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly.

The nervous manager said. “I apologize, I cant hire you. The sign says you must be able to type.”

The wolf went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect letter. The manager was stunned, but told the wolf, “That was fantastic, but I am sorry. The sign clearly says that whomever we hire has to be good with a computer.”

The wolf went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his skills with various programs.

The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the wolf, “Look, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant with fantastic talent, but you are a dog. No way, that I could hire you.”

The angry wolf jumped down from the chair and pointed his paw at the words, “Equal Opportunity Employer.”
The exasperated manager said, “Yes, I know what the darn signs says. But the sign also says you should be bilingual.”

The wolf jumped up on the manager’s desk, looked him directly in the eye and said “Meow.”

Helicopter Joke

Morris and His Wife Esther Went to the State Fair Every Year.

Every Year, Morris Would Say, "Esther, I'd like to Ride in That Helicopter"

Esther Always Replied, " I Know Morris, But That Helicopter Ride Is 50 Dollars And 50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars."

A Few Years Later, Esther and Morris Went to the Fair.

Morris Said, "Esther, I'm 85 Years Old. If I Don't Ride That Helicopter Now, I Might Never Get Another Chance."

Esther Replied, "Morris, That Helicopter Ride Is 50 Dollars and 50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars."

The Pilot Overheard the Couple.
He Said, "Folks, I'll Make You a Deal.
I'll Take the Both of You for a Ride.
If You Can Stay Quiet for the Entire
Ride and Not Say a Word, I Won't Charge You!
But If You Say One Word, It's 50 Dollars."

Morris and Esther Agreed -- and up They Went.

The Pilot Did All Kinds of Fancy Maneuvers.

But Not a Word Was Heard. He Did His Daredevil Tricks over and over Again, But Still Not a Word.

When They Landed, the Pilot Turned to Morris. He Said, "By Golly, I Did Everything g I Could to Get You to Yell Out, But You Didn't. I'm Impressed!"

Morris Replied, "Well, I Was Going to Say Something When Esther Fell Out,
But 50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars!"

Happy Thanksgiving

Three doctors go hunting in the woods
the week before Thanksgiving.

They hear rustling in the brush,
the first doctor, the internist says
“Looks like a turkey, walks like a turkey, goobles like a turkey,
must be a turkey” . . . He shoots and he misses.

A short time later,
they spot movement in the brush,
the second doctor, the pathologist says
“Brown feathers, red neck and fan-like tail feathers,
must be a turkey” . . . He shoots and he misses.

About 10 minutes latter,
they again hear rustling in the brush,
the third doctor, the surgeon just fires away
Blam. Blam. Blam and two birds drop dead.
He looks at his friends and says
“Guys, go check if those were turkeys.”