The First War Game

My friend Dr. Dean is a Chess Master;
I never got into that game in youth, because to my young analytical mind
(graduated magna cum laude in college with mathematics degree)
the movement of the pieces made NO sense.
It wasn’t until my 30s when I read the book Born in Blood
by Robinson, that the game of chess became rational. Paraphrasing . . .

Chess is a Persian game that was brought to the west by the Crusaders –
the Catholic Church was against anything that was from the east and/or distracted from religious devotion.

Hence, the game of Chess was banned and deemed satanic
(sound familiar ; - );
however, the game proved too popular to legislate away;
THEREFORE, the church tolerated this new game as long as the pieces were ReNAMED.

Hence, CHESS pieces are as follows:

The PAWN represents spearmen or pike men, defensive units,
that slowly advance, but have to attack a flank for success.

The ROOK is actually the elephant (a Pagan animal) –
 unstoppable and fierce, but only capable of linear attacks/ charges.

The KNIGHT is heavy cavalry,
charges forward, but needs to strike a flank for maximal effect.

The BISHOP (the most important piece on the board?) represents a sailing ship;
notice how it tacks along the board unimpeded while delivering mayhem.

The QUEEN is guarded by elite, light mounted archers;
she can move and strike in any direction with full effect, but vulnerable to attack if isolated.

The KING is surrounded by his elite body guard; however,

  he is loaded down with the TREASURE of his house; therefore,

he may move only one square in any direction.

Even the term ‘check mate’ is a bastardization of the Arabic
“sheik mat”,
which translates to ‘the king is dead.’

 

Happy 21st Birthday Red Planet

Copywrited 16 Jan 1990

Helicopter Joke

Morris and His Wife Esther Went to the State Fair Every Year.

Every Year, Morris Would Say, "Esther, I'd like to Ride in That Helicopter"

Esther Always Replied, " I Know Morris, But That Helicopter Ride Is 50 Dollars And 50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars."

A Few Years Later, Esther and Morris Went to the Fair.

Morris Said, "Esther, I'm 85 Years Old. If I Don't Ride That Helicopter Now, I Might Never Get Another Chance."

Esther Replied, "Morris, That Helicopter Ride Is 50 Dollars and 50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars."

The Pilot Overheard the Couple.
He Said, "Folks, I'll Make You a Deal.
I'll Take the Both of You for a Ride.
If You Can Stay Quiet for the Entire
Ride and Not Say a Word, I Won't Charge You!
But If You Say One Word, It's 50 Dollars."

Morris and Esther Agreed -- and up They Went.

The Pilot Did All Kinds of Fancy Maneuvers.

But Not a Word Was Heard. He Did His Daredevil Tricks over and over Again, But Still Not a Word.

When They Landed, the Pilot Turned to Morris. He Said, "By Golly, I Did Everything g I Could to Get You to Yell Out, But You Didn't. I'm Impressed!"

Morris Replied, "Well, I Was Going to Say Something When Esther Fell Out,
But 50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars!"

Critical Hits example from World War I I

'Operations resumed on 11 April. An attack was scheduled to win back the lost sections of the main road. The attack failed, however. The next morning three tigers moved forward to halt probing Soviet forces. Commanding the lead tank was Sergeant Major Sanderring, one of the “old hands” of the Panzer arm. This attack provided a demonstration of the damage a lucky hit from a Russian anti-tank rifle could inflict on a Tiger tank. A well-concealed Soviet soldier took aim at the tank of the sergeant major as the Tigers approached. He fired his antitank rifle from a range of fifty meters. The round penetrated of one of the copula vision slits. Sergeant Major Sanderring was killed instantly. A single Soviet soldier had accomplished what several T-34s were often unable to do: put a Tiger out of action.'

Frank Kurowski,
Panzer Aces

Origins of Myth

The bones of the dimetrodon discovered by ancient Greeks were the inspiration for a classical and persistent mythological monster.

What do we have here?

body and tail of a lion,
head and claws of an eagle,
and long support bones,
. . . it must be a GRIFFIN !

Calot

INTV….…. +3
ATTK….. +5/ one bite OR +4/ two paws
DMGE……. d8 OR d4 eachAC…….…. 4 [16]
HD……… 3d8
Fort........ +3
Will…..…. +5
Move…... 18”

“It waddled in on its ten short legs, and squatted down before the girl like an obedient puppy. The thing was about the size of a Shetland pony, but its head bore a resemblance to that of a frog, except that its jaws were equipped with three rows of long sharp tusks. . . the beast, after surveying me intently for a moment, crossed the room to the only exit which lead to the street and lay down full length across the threshold. . .
“This is the fleetest animal on Mars, and owing to its intelligence, loyalty and ferocity is used in hunting, in war and as the protector of the green Martian man. . .
“The huge brute belongs to a species which is never domesticated by the red man. Were one to stroll down Broadway with a Numidian lion a this heels, the effect would be similar . . . had I entered Zodanga with Woola.” (PM V, XXI)

These creatures are omnivores and can subsist on vegetation if game is either too dangerous or carrying firearms. When encountered in the wild, they hunt in packs of d4 individuals that intelligently coordinate their attacks. Domesticated calots increase the security of a dwelling or camp and will greatly assist their master in tracking.

“A soft purr like that of a great cat, indicated that Woola understood, and then, with a word to him to follow, I turned to the right along the ledge, but scarcely had I done so that I felt his mighty fangs tugging at my leathern harness.
“As I turned to discover the cause of his act he continued to pull me steadily in the opposite direction, nor would he desist until I had turned about and indicated that I would follow him voluntarily.
“Never had I known him to make an error in a matter of tracking, so it was with a feeling of entire security that I moved cautiously in the huge beast’s wake. Through Cimmerian darkness he moved along the narrow ledge beside the boiling rapids.” (WM, II, p.22)


You can obtain excellent CALOT miniatures @ BronzeAgeMin.com
IMAGE FROM artzone.daz3d

Plant men

INTV….... +0
ATTK….. +2/ one tail OR +2/ two talons
DMGE……. d12 OR 1 hp*
AC…….…. 6 [14]
HD……… 2d8
Fort..…..... +2
Will………. +2
Move….…. 12”

“A race inhabiting the Valley Dor, they are ten or twelve in height when standing erect; their arms are short and fashioned after the manner of an elephant’s trunk, being sinuous; the body is hairless and a ghoulish blue except for a broad band of white which encircles the protruding, single eye, the pupil of which are dead white. The nose is a ragged, inflamed, circular hole in the center of the blank face, resembling a bullet wound which has not yet commenced to bleed. There is no mouth in the head. With the exception of the face, the head is covered by a tangled mass of jet- black hair some eight to ten inches in length. Each hair is about the thickness of a large angle worm. The body, legs and feet are of human shape but of monstrous proportions, the feet being fully three feet long and very flat and very broad. The method of feeding consists in running their odd hands over the surface of the turf, cropping off the tender vegetation with razor-like talons and sucking it up with two mouths, which lie one in the palm of each hand.” (TMM, glossary)

Blunt and piercing weapons do half damage against plant men. Their preferred method of attack is to leap over their target’s head striking down with their powerful tail. In combat each hit with a plant man’s talon temporarily drains one point of constitutio from its target with a corresponding loss of hit points. Constitution score is recovered at the rate of one point every two days of rest and a diet high in iron.   

 "Now their bisexuality permits them to reproduce themselves after the manner of true plants, but otherwise they have progressed but little in all the ages of their existence. Their actions and movements are largely matters of instinct and not guided to any great extent by reason, since the brain of a plant man is but a trifle larger than the end of your smallest finger. They live upon vegetation and the blood of animals, and their brain is just large enough to direct their movements in the direction of food, and to translate the food sensations which are carried to it from their eyes and ears. They have no sense of self-preservation and so are entirely without fear in the face of danger. That is why they are such terrible antagonists in combat."  (GM VII)

Encountered during the day in small herds of 2d4 members in various stages of maturity; their collective awareness prohibits them from being surprised, although opponents may gain initiative. Black pirates sometimes use plant men as pets or guardians. These creatures have an extremely primitive brain and fear neither firearms nor death.

minatures from BronzeAgeMin.com